One Another

One another, is a statement in the context of relationships.’

In the New Testament there are a number of ‘one another’ commands.

Each one is instructive and can be quite challenging in regards to how we may conduct ourselves in relationships and what we might expect back as a consequence of such encounters.


At this time in your life certain things may be concerning you. Health, Circumstances, Wealth, Relationships. Thoughts about the present, future and the past. You are important and valued by many. Be confident in who you are and try to reach out to others in that confidence knowing that as a result we may be uplifted ourselves.


‘Nobody is an island’ as the saying goes! Any concerns that we have personally will in some measure affect people around us. Consider for a moment five ‘one another’s’ that might be instructive and of some value to us.

Wait (1)

How precious it is to stop, slow down and take time to review our lives personally and with one another. Often events take control and we feel helpless. We have to play a waiting game for a particular outcome we want. There is value in waiting and stopping which might be forced or chosen. Even in a worst case scenario that may come our way we can adjust, recover and move forward in life again.

Greet (2)

There will be appointed times to gather together in a social, business, family, professional and personal manner. We say Hello and spend time together. Such times might be awkward, special, routine and detailed. Then a time will come to say Goodbye for a season, a short time and then forever.

Love (3)

To ‘love one another’ is referenced up to 14 times and is a very important statement related to meaningful relationships.

In the Greek, Love can be understood in four ways:
Agape, which is an unconditional love for all.
, a tender platonic love that is chosen and committed.
Eros, a passionate and romantic love.
Storage, a family love that is also unconditional.

Bear or Carry (4)

It is not easy to bear the load or carry the concerns of those we love or have a social or professional commitment to. In recognising how we have been supported and observing its benefit, we have a privilege and honour to bear and carry the burdens and concerns of those around us with the ongoing support from those who love us.

A very strong and potentially upsetting picture is seeing our loved one being carried by professional or family bearers in a funeral context. Such a picture reminds us that the person being carried has in one form or another been there for us in love and patience.

It’s one of the last honours we can see and be a part of when those we love are ‘carried’ for a last time having been taken from us.

Encourage (5)

When a person seeks to encourage others they are generous from within themselves. They have an inner confidence and strength to freely give to others as we would want others to give to ourselves!

On the 15th October 2017 I completed the Manchester Half Marathon and it was brilliant to be on the receiving end of so much heart felt encouragement. I was genuinely encouraged ‘to keep going,’ ‘to finish well,’ to be affirmed as ‘amazing,’ all this without having to give anything back. I was so grateful and it spured me on to complete the run confidently.

So let’s continue to Wait, Greet, Love, Bear and Encourage ‘One Another.’

From one  Graham to many others.

References 1) 1 Corinthians 11 v 33: 2) I John 4 v 7: 3) Romans 16v 16: 4) Galatians 6 v 2: 5) Hebrews 10 v 25:

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I’m not religious, but I am spiritual!

Wisdom in the Market Place

Proverbs 1 in the Old Testament says that ‘Wisdom cries out aloud in the market place and public squares.’ Just think of all the open or enclosed spaces where debate takes place concerning the important and personal views of life and beyond. London as the capital of the UK. Regional cities such as Manchester, Leeds, Glasgow, Birmingham, alongside the villages and towns throughout the UK and worldwide.

Hello Chester

I’m not religious, but I am spiritual!

Recently I had a conversation with a man who said that he ‘wasn’t religious but he was spiritual.’ What he meant was that he didn’t go to church or a formal place of worship but had his own personal faith and belief!

Life is forever changing but in reality human beings remain, in essence, the same in thoughts, words and actions. We do our own thing. Challenge or ignore church and religious belief and actions. Yet world history shows us that people of Faith, even in the midst of troubles, have improved human existence in numerous ways!

What is being Religious?

Do you remember Maria from the Sound of Music?

She was mixed up and didn’t know what to do but decided to enter a Religious order to find a peace and purpose. I wonder how you would you define being Religious? Attending liturgical services and activities? Wearing specific clothes, speaking in a certain manner with associated actions and reactions?

What is it to be Spiritual?

A candle light often reflects the Light of God shining in a Dark world.

Brother Lawrence from the 17th century concentrated on Practising the Presence of God in a Carmelite Monastery. He meditated on the Bible for strength and guidance. He engaged in an active Prayer Life. He sought to reflect God’s presence by loving and serving his neighbours.

How were your Holidays 2017?

In the book of Acts chapters 16 to 17 we read about Paul’s second Journey travelling from Derbe, to Galatia, Philippi and then onto Athens

We don’t read about his time in the city as a Tourist! We find him debating on Mars Hill, arguing in the local Synagogue and market place. He spoke with the Epicurean and Stoic philosophers. In the Areopagus, a local court, he states ‘I perceive that in every way you are very religious and then observes that many worship ‘an unknown god.’

Wherever Paul travelled, he provoked a reaction to his teaching around the life and ministry of Jesus.

Many said to him No thanks I’m not interested. Perhaps a greater number would want to think about Faith another time. However, we read of Dionysius a member of the Areopagus (council) and Damaris a woman of lower status embracing Faith.

In a time when we think that many have given up ‘A’ or ‘The Faith,’ the Christian Gospel continues to reach out to all peoples, at all levels and at all times.

Think about what the man said; ‘I’m not religious, but I am spiritual’

You might say that you are not ‘religious or spiritual.’ However, in the pursuit of personal development, happiness and wellbeing, you might find that there is room for being ‘spiritually religious’ however that may impact and work out for you?

Travel Well.

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Traffic lights and Roundabouts

One of my early aspirations as a 17 year old was to pass my driving test as soon as possible.

I had many formal lessons and quite a few informal ones driving the family car under the guidance of my patient father Henry. I went on to successfully pass the test at a second attempt!

It was a great experience then, to be handed the keys of Dad’s car and drive unaccompanied navigating the traffic with its road signs, lights and roundabouts. Following that initial drive I’m glad to say that I returned home without any accidents or incidents to report.

When thinking of travelling safely on the roads, the function of traffic lights is to alternate the ‘right of way’ of users by the display of lights incorporating the standard colours of Red, Amber and Green.

Some early experiences of traffic lights involved the local police who controlled the flow of traffic around London Bridge and the Houses of Parliament. In 1868 it was reported that a set of lights in London operated by gas had exploded and injured the controller.

A Traffic light is an active sign where we have to stop when on Red, wait for a while when it’s on Red and Amber and then proceed forward when they turn to Green. It represents the law of the land to provide safety and security on the roads for everyone.

An alternative to traffic lights is the Roundabout. It offers a different framework of law and traffic regulation. It is more relational and requires individual drivers to negotiate the flow of traffic with politeness, at times robustness and an appreciation of the other vehicles to ensure that no accidents takes place.

Invariably we approach them slowly, liaising with the other drivers, entering at one point and exiting at another so continuing our intended journey.

If you take a look at the You Tube video below you will see one of the craziest roundabouts in Europe, the ‘Arc de Triomphe’ in Paris. It seems extremely dangerous and drivers are less gracious and more defensive and offensive, to the point that any insurance premiums paid out due to an accident are shared 50/50 because of the higher risks involved.

Summer is in full flight and it reminds us how times, seasons and events change very quickly and it’s important to make the most of them. In that context we are constantly having to make important decisions and adjust to new situations. To Stop. Prepare and then move Forward in the flow of life’s journeys.

I wonder what it means for you to Stop or Slow down at this present time?

In writing this blog it is important to end a sentence with a full stop. It is used as part of a greater construction such as a paragraph. It gives a rest, an opportunity to start a new sentence with a continued or difference emphasis or meaning. This compares to a comma, which allows a continuation of words and acts as a refrain/breather in between various words.

Are there situations where you are having to stop or slow down such as ill health, a reordering of your wealth or other planned or unexpected events that have come to you? Red tells us to stop. It’s a signal we have to respond to directly. We may be forced into a situation that will slow us down and cause us to review what is required from us.

Are you in a period of Preparation and Negotiation at this present time?

It is said that preparation is vital for the completion of a good job done. In decorating a living room we have to set aside time to start the job. All furniture and fittings are removed or covered. The ceilings and walls are cleaned and cracks are filled so that all is ready for a fresh coat of paint for that beautifully restored living room to emerge.

The combination of Red and Amber alerts us to the reality that we soon have to get ready to move forward. Taking time to prepare and think about actions and reactions is very important. That preparation and negotiation may seem to go on for ever but just like the painting of the living room it will be a basis for a good job completed.

What does it mean for you to Go and move forward at this present time?

Are there small or large steps of Faith that you have to take in readiness for the next adventure in your life? Are you Hoping for something that you believe in but hasn’t materialised yet? A business plan, personal goals, financial calculations, relational decisions and actions. All have to be implemented at some cost but with that hope of a reward and a planned return with interest.

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.’
Hebrews 11 v 1

‘Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.’
Rom 8 v 24 – 25

In thinking about physical traffic lights and roundabouts.

May we stop and slowdown in our mind, body and spirit.
May we prepare well for our next assignment?
May we be excited about moving forward in Faith, with Hope, realising new Horizons.


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Always in front of Everything!

Recently I was involved in a discussion with a daughter who spoke affectionately about her father and described him as someone who was ‘always in front of everything.’ This photo represents one of many daughter/father relationships that exist throughout the world.

In listening to what she had to say I wasn’t sure if she was complementing her Dad or registering a complaint! After further clarification she outlined that he had completed his ‘National Service’ with the British Army and such an experience, coupled with his character, accounted for a life that was very organized, punctual and ‘always in front of everything.’

In the closing years of his life the devoted daughter became his main carer yet his demands for things to be perfect, such as his dinner to be always on time, grew and only added to her cause for complaint!

I wonder if someone completed a 360 feedback /confidential assessment of you, as so often conducted in the workplace, would they portray you as someone who was ‘always in front’ or a person that so often ‘lagged behind’?

Whatever our life experiences and character, I strongly believe that we do have the capacity to change our mind set and actions. It has been suggested that it takes up to six weeks of sustained practise to change personal thinking and habits? During that time we will have to apply lots of self-discipline, concentration and particular strategies to implement change related to a given target or goal.

We all carry some form of ‘limiting beliefs,’ inherited or chosen by ourselves which impact upon our actions and reactions. We may practise ‘negativity and critical thinking’ as a norm, which will show itself in how we engage within society as a whole. Yes there is a time and place for critical thought and action but ultimately we have to place that alongside a ‘positive and proactive’ approach to life and real situations.

When reflecting on the comments of the daughter about her father and applying it to our own situations, many of us will be ‘constantly in front of everything.’ It is also the case that lots of us are more happy to ‘stop, take time to chill and go with the flow of life.’ I think we would all agree that there is plenty of room for both areas of thinking and acting.

At this point it might be helpful to consider what we carry in our ‘kit bags of life’ What empowers us to be in front and relaxed, whilst avoiding being behind and chasing everything. What strategies help us to maintain that healthy life balance?

Solutions Kit Bag!






Positive ‘Kit Bag’                                                                Negative ‘Kit Bag’

Strong self-belief                                                                        Poor self-belief

Lots of self-motivation                                                              Lack of self-motivation

Clear personal aims and goals                                                No clarity and direction

Realistic action planning                                                          No action planning

A willingness to work hard                                                      Not prepared to work hard

Enjoy rewards                                                                             Life is not fair

Contentment                                                                               Discontent

Having checked out what sort of ‘Solution Kit Bag’ we carry, it might be worth considering some other areas of our life:

  • Personal finances: Have you recently seen an independent financial adviser so as to ensure your financial affairs are in good shape? Ask yourself are those areas of debt you may be in, manageable or out of control?

  • Personal Pension Plan: The  last thing we think about when we are young is a pension plan! However, regularly saving over a long period of time will reap a timely reward. It’s amazing how many people do not invest in a pension plan however large or small. So why not start that saving plan from today?


  • Personal Will: It is equally shocking how many people do not make a will or ensure it is up to date. Your personal estate may be significant or very small but it is important to have a confidence that the legacy we leave is directed to those we want it to go to, rather than ending up in the governments pockets?

There are many more areas in life where it is wise to be well prepared and have things in ‘good order.’ Many of us do neglect issues that we know we should face up to and work in and through.

If we are able to share such important issues in confidence, it will help us clarify, reflect and review critical thinking and actions on a regular basis. This will enhance our ability to ‘always be upfront with everything,’ in the most possible ‘relaxed manner’ as exampled in the Father and Daughter relationship.


From Graham trying to be upfront and relaxed?

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Perfection, Authenticity

I think all of us in one form or another are active in the pursuit of Perfection. It may find itself in religious thought and practice, architectural design, personal relationships, social etiquette, self-belief and identity.

Yet alongside such a goal, is a desire to be natural and Authentic in all we do and want to be.

Perfection is to be the finished article, in every respect and at all times!

Authenticity represents something or someone that is completely genuine and not false!

How then can we maintain a desire for Perfection in the context of Authenticity?

Next week on the 23th April 2017 I will be competing in the London Marathon for a third time. It will be my ninth marathon in the last 12 years and I’m not sure that I have ran that perfect marathon yet! However, I am very certain that each run has been authentic for different reasons. My aim for this one is to complete the run in a reasonable time, injury free and sharing along the way a big smile on my face.

To aid that process I have used the Asics training app which has become my personal coach for the past six months, suggesting training plans that include times of rest. Many say that to get to the starting line injury free and in a good measure of fitness is an achievement in itself.

Yes I would like to run a Perfect race and time but in my own unique style and age related fitness. If I can achieve it, then on the ‘eve of that day’ I will be a very happy man.

Perfection in whatever form it takes has to be maintained. The grass is cut to perfection but then it grows wild again and weeds appear. The car is valeted inside and out only for passengers to dirty the seats and floor and the rain and mud on the road to take the shine off that once clean car!

Perfection in every instance is what many of us want? We may strive for that perfect goal and performance, enjoying the accompanying accolades, but so often we are only as good as our last performance!

The psychology and role of a coach in various forms is critical in maintaining motivation and that pursuit of perfection, whilst realising that in the training and development process we often learn far more from our mistakes than perhaps our perfections.

In recent years greater ‘human rights’ and ‘customer charters,’ have increased our expectation levels and when something goes wrong we demand a perfect solution. However, as we seek perfection from those that serve us, people we serve will demand an equal perfection which we all know is impossible to deliver and sustain over a consistent period.

The sports fan shouts in hope for victory but is disappointed in defeat or that underwhelming result. Yet they remain loyal, dreaming that someday perfection will take place and a sweet victory will be secured.

Alongside Perfection has to be Authenticity. If we do not work hard to maintain a measure of Perfection then the prevailing result will be one that is more natural and authentic and will have its own beauty within itself.

Thousands of pounds are spent in having our hair cut and coloured. Yet many people are more than happy with their natural ‘silver grey’ look.






In assessing such a hair colour we may conclude that it is imperfect and not fashionable. On the other hand it can be accepted as the authentic aspect to that person whom we love and respect, so they are ‘perfect and naturally authentic’ in their own right.

In being Authentic, our natural selves, what you see is, is often what you get. However. it is important to progress and improve. A great benefit in being more Authentic is that we may relax in the beauty of our own uniqueness with all its flaws and humanity. Also to be confident in our own natural beauty and enjoy such a recognition from those we live and travel with.

All the training plans my Asics app suggests are subject to any illness I may incur, difficult weather conditions that restrict running and certain diary dates that are more important.

It is vital for me to run my own race in my own way and feel a sense of being relaxed and authentic. Otherwise I will be like a running robot that might complete the predicted time, in a perfectly suggested training plan but has not enjoyed it or felt as sense of personal ownership. As I run London I will hold on to the words below.

So maintain a desire to be that ‘Perfect Saint’ in the making,
with a large accompaniment of our ‘Authentic self.’

Happy Easter Graham

Update 24 April 2017

I completed an Imperfect race with lots of Authenticity attached to it, especially some cramp at 23 miles. I recovered well to achieve a very respectable 4 hours 35 minutes and 45 seconds.

My recovery was good and I have been busy at work today with no injuries or concerns. Above all I really enjoyed the occasion. It was special to hear all the cheers and encouragements to help me continue to the end. So here’s to the next one!


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I recall a well known song from my Sunday school days!

‘God loves you and I love you and that’s the way it should be!’ then repeated with  accompanying actions.  actions

When we have faith in God we find an inward affirmation and significance related to our own identity and purpose in life.

If ‘faith’ is a challenge, then the song can be amended.

‘The world loves you and I love you and that’s the way it should be!’ once again repeat and any actions can be changed accordingly. Without a ‘Divine’ we may  look for affirmation and significance from our fellow human beings and the environment around us.

A final slant on the song may go as follows:

‘Nobody loves me and I don’t love myself or you and that’s the way it is!’nobodyrepeat with or without any actions! If we do not feel affirmed personally then our attitudes and actions can harden to ourselves and those around us.

I often refer to a New York best seller ‘The 5 Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman. In his book he outlines how we all communicate through five basic love languages such as Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of service and Physical one of us have our own particular love language and if we understand and work with other peoples love languages then it greatly improves personal relationships and interactions.

In thinking about the language of Affirmation it builds us up. The opposite of such language may be Words of Deformation that tear us down.

The language we use, conveys the intentions of our heart which may comprise of  ‘love or disdain’ for those we communicate with on a daily basis. When using the language of Affirmation it will include ‘verbal compliments alongside encouraging and humble words.’

In assessing this language of Affirmation for ourselves, it might be an opportunity to think about the words we actually speak internally. In the first instance do we speak lovingly and significantly to ourselves?

In life conversations and discussions are we able to discern our own words and hear the words of Affirmation or Deformation that other people speak?

When working with clients in the coaching process we often reflect, review and conclude aspects of personal affirmation, and self significance. Clarity is required where individuals feel a measure of inadequacy. It is then important to strengthen those areas in the context of relationships and actions that affect a given goal and situation.

Think for a moment about applying for a job and considering a new career opportunity.  new-job   We will have to present ourselves in a very positive light, reflecting a true measure of who we are and what we may bring to that job and career. However, many people confess to exaggerating their CV profiles, but in reality who are they kidding the most?

It is important to experience a healthy self love, affirmation and a feeling of significance. Such confidence will naturally radiate to those we work and live with and result in people sharing words of affirmation to us in spite of all our faults and failings.

Equally there will be people that want to harm us and put us down for whatever reason. In that context it is important not to conduct such relationships ‘in reaction’ to those who speak words of Deformation than Affirmation over us.

In 2 Corinthians 1 v 4 -7 it says that we can find ‘comfort’ in the context of our faith, which will then enable us to ‘comfort those who are in distress themselves.’ comfort-zoneIn being affirmed and comforted in all situations we can find a strength internally to share externally to all we meet.

So try and think through your own specific Love Language. (There will be an overlap)

Affirmation,  Quality Time,  Receiving Gifts,  Acts of Service,  Physical Touch.

Seek to understand the Love Language of the person you are communicating with.

Then you will be surprised what difference it makes in enhancing your relationships and changing many life situations and consequences!

Oh by the way I forgot to mention that the opening song had another verse to it.

             ‘You can be happy and I can be happy and that’s the way it should be!’happyWhatever life situations you find yourself in, be assured that as we are Affirmed and feel Significant then our levels of Happiness will increase for today and tomorrow.


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Expectation of Communication

In all your daily communications what expectations and realisations do you experience?
It can be argued that the normal experience for most of us is miscommunication!
So the ‘Mission Impossible/Possible’ for 2017 is to improve our levels of communication.


A simple definition of communication is the sending and receiving of a message between two parties.                       Sent ……………………… Message ………………………… Received

Megginson says that “communication is the process of transmitting meaning, ideas and understanding of a person or a group to another person or group.” So it’s a two way transaction that seeks a mutual understanding. It can involve a shared ‘encoding’ and ‘decoding’ of information which may include humans and non-humans.

There are different forms of communication:

1   Verbal and nonverbal language.

2   Written form: that comprises of words, ideas, faith, alongside opinions, values, thoughts and feelings.

3   Non-linguistic: that shows itself in the function of traffic lights and road signs,  telegraphic and electronic media, as well as secret and open codes.

Basically communication ‘Connects or Disconnects’ people and groups depending on the subject matter and acts as a very important bridge of meaning.

A new law named the “right to disconnect” came into force in France from the 1 January 2017. French employees are being offered the legal right to disconnect from work emails outside the regular working week of 35 hours, so looking to establish a healthy work/life balance. In an increasing global work place the reality of being able to ‘disconnect’ at a certain time may seem a ‘Mission Impossible.’

Hugh Scofield ( BBC 11 May 2016) comments that “all the studies show that there is far more work related stress today than there used to be and such stress is constant.”

One French MP is quoted as saying “you’re at home but you’re not at home.” We leave our physical place of work but often remain attached by a kind of electronic leash. Texts, messages and emails colonise the life of the individual.


There is then a real threat of employees experiencing physical, psychological and emotional burnout caused by an inability to ‘disconnect.’

The Greeks have two words for time:

Chronos (Chronology: a regular, sequential time with ‘Father Time’ it’s personification)

Kairos (Unconscious, creative, seasonal time which is essential for productive thinking)

A good employer will want to protect the Kairos time for their workers so as to avoid ‘communication overload.’ Such an effort to protect ‘workers private time’ is excellent. However, it may be questioned as to how realistically it can work out in practise?

Alongside government legislation, it is important for individuals to build up for themselves some form of ‘self-Kairos’ time. Such a season will ensure quality rest and creative thinking and maintain a good level of productivity at work, home and socially.

An interesting example of communication can be found in the story of Moses and the burning bush found in the Old Testament Exodus 3. Moses was out working as a Shepherd for his father in law Jethro.

In an ordinary life experience he encountered a Divine presence in the form of a continual flame that did not consume the physical bush that was nearby.


The Lord communicated to Moses that he had a different work for him which was shepherding people rather than sheep and a dialogue ensued. How was Moses to interpret such a communication as it was so different to the ordinary experiences of life? Moses accepted the ‘Mission Impossible’ given to him which changed his own life and those he went on to lead.

Stories from the past shared around an open or house fire was one of the main vehicles of oral communication with memory and understanding vital.


From such traditions we have a written record of history as understood from different viewpoints. This begs the question as to whether with all the advances in modern communication, we have improved or gone backwards in all areas of communication?

For a moment think of a situation that is challenging your capacity to send a particular message and to be confident that is has been received and understood?

From 1 – 10, what mark would you give for personal competency levels in your daily communications? (10 being the highest mark) ………………………………

How can you quantify that mark from a wider point of view? Is it possible to seek objective feedback to balance that mark? In what ways can you improve your skill level in all areas of communication?

There will be courses to attend that help to improve our listening skills? There are techniques that can enhance both verbal and visual communication. It is important to think about and work on the timing of communication which greatly affects a desired result.


Be kind to yourself. A good level of communication is when we feel comfortable enough to say things as they are, without too much coding, so that there is little requirement for decoding!

Where we may lack self-confidence and belief we can rest in being ourselves, which in turn will help our self-belief and confidence. It can empower us to respond in more positive tones to the messages and communications that we share to individuals and groups and so freeing us to ‘Connect and Disconnect’ where required.

So what expectations do you have from others in 2017?
Are you ready for the unexpected?
Are you communicating in the best way possible and pleased with the outcomes?

With Great Expectations Graham

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