Happiness Indicator

Two weeks ago I was asked by a local newspaper to offer up a fifty word summary on the value of being happy which was to celebrate the International Day of Happiness on the 20^th March established by the United Nations.

It was quite a challenge and in this blog I want to expand my thinking and encourage you to consider your own assessment of how you experience being happy? For me, this picture represents a state of contentment and happiness in spite of the danger below.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin Pexels.com

In Proverb 15: 13, it says that ‘a happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit’ (NIV). What then, we may ask, makes for a happy heart and why does it show on our faces? I think we all know why heartache crushes the spirit!

Everybody wants to find and maintain a satisfactory level of happiness in all our relationships and experiences so avoiding sorrow and sadness.

Many national governments and local agencies recognise the importance of people being happy. It may be the case that such an initiative of having an international day of happiness, is due in part to the avalanche of unhappiness we experience and are exposed to daily in the media and at large.

The definition of one person’s happiness will be quite different for another. In defining happiness I think it is to experience feelings that are temporal and can represent a person’s characteristic but is definitely not dependent on particular happenings. The illusive state of happiness is always challenged by the realities of human existence in all its forms. However, I do believe that a process of ‘giving and receiving’ has a big part to play in finding and experiencing happiness.

The comedian Ken Dodd created a mythical band of ‘Diddy Men’ who had their own tickling sticks, with the intention of making people laugh and feel happy. Ken recorded a popular song Happiness that represented his life’s work and character. In his gigs that often lasted for many hours he would share a joke for his audience to receive and enjoy who in turn showed their appreciation by laughing and clapping. This ‘giving and receiving’ benefitted both parties and resulted in happy energy, laughter and appreciation.  

I have heard it said by many, that their happiness comes from being able to help people in differing ways. This formula of giving out to others enables us to receive back, which gives us a feeling of contentment and happiness in ourselves and in the happenings we incur in life.

I also think that to be happy is very much akin to being kind which can transform us into an attitude of thankfulness for life and living. There is an old saying: ‘be thankful for small mercies,’ which represents a grateful outlook on life that can produce a happy output which aids our general wellbeing body, mind and spirit. When we are thankful and experience a good measure of contentment then it firms up an inner joy and peace that is not dependent on good happenings around us.

Recently, I was reading some comments shared by Luke Shaw, a professional footballer, who was speaking about his relationship with his manger Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. He expressed how happy he was because of the confidence that his manager had placed in him. This in turn helped him to enjoy his football with increased confidence and happiness in the games he played in. 

There are a number of ‘happiness indicators’ that are available online which can help us assess what levels of happiness we are at and with a measure of reasoning behind them. For a moment consider my own simple ‘happiness indicator’ and on a scale of 0 to 10 (10 being the highest) record what makes you happy at this present time?  In assessing the results, the scores will vary depending on the different seasons and circumstances we find ourselves in. 

Self-acceptance (________)  Money (________)   Relationships   (________)    Work (________) Love   (________)   Voluntary work     (________) Faith in God, philosophy or no God (________)       Other   (________)   

For me my anchor and faith in God gives me a sense of thankfulness and a quiet joy and peace. It gives me a strength within my inner core that acts as a basis for my temporal and continuous happiness.

In the Beatitudes it outlines certain experiences we may be facing. It then encourages us to take hold of different attitudes that will bring change to those life circumstances we face. In considering the fifth beatitude, ‘Blessed (happy) are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy’, it highlights that in our giving of mercy (offering kindness and forgiveness) to others we will in turn be shown mercy that will make us feel happy.

As we draw to a close I would like to go back to those fifty words as mentioned at the beginning.

“To be happy is to experience feelings that are not permanent. We can find happiness within our inner core that is independent from happenings and is reflected in our character. To ‘give and receive’ plays a big part in experiencing happiness that will be clearly seen in our cheerful faces”.  

Cheerful faces Photo by Ketut Subiyanto Pexels.com

Have a happy and cheerful Easter and maybe take time to listen to Pharrell Williams song Happy and even join in the clapping!

Graham

For further reading hit the links below for the second edition (October 2020) in black and white or colour

Affirmation

I recall a well known song from my Sunday school days!

‘God loves you and I love you and that’s the way it should be!’ then repeated with  accompanying actions.  

When we have faith in God we find an inward affirmation and significance related to our own identity and purpose in life.

If ‘faith’ is a challenge, then the song can be amended.

‘The world loves you and I love you and that’s the way it should be!’ once again repeat and any actions can be changed accordingly. Without a ‘Divine’ we may  look for affirmation and significance from our fellow human beings and the environment around us.

A final slant on the song may go as follows:

‘Nobody loves me and I don’t love myself or you and that’s the way it is!’repeat with or without any actions! If we do not feel affirmed personally then our attitudes and actions can harden to ourselves and those around us.

I often refer to a New York best seller ‘The 5 Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman. In his book he outlines how we all communicate through five basic love languages such as Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of service and Physical touch.Each one of us have our own particular love language and if we understand and work with other peoples love languages then it greatly improves personal relationships and interactions.

In thinking about the language of Affirmation it builds us up. The opposite of such language may be Words of Defamation that tear us down.

The language we use, conveys the intentions of our heart which may comprise of  ‘love or disdain’ for those we communicate with on a daily basis. When using the language of Affirmation it will include ‘verbal compliments alongside encouraging and humble words.’

In assessing this language of Affirmation for ourselves, it might be an opportunity to think about the words we actually speak internally. In the first instance do we speak lovingly and significantly to ourselves?

In life conversations and discussions are we able to discern our own words and hear the words of Affirmation or Defamation that other people speak?

When working with clients in the coaching process we often reflect, review and conclude aspects of personal affirmation, and self significance. Clarity is required where individuals feel a measure of inadequacy. It is then important to strengthen those areas in the context of relationships and actions that affect a given goal and situation.

Think for a moment about applying for a job and considering a new career opportunity.     We will have to present ourselves in a very positive light, reflecting a true measure of who we are and what we may bring to that job and career. However, many people confess to exaggerating their CV profiles, but in reality who are they kidding the most?

It is important to experience a healthy self love, affirmation and a feeling of significance. Such confidence will naturally radiate to those we work and live with and result in people sharing words of affirmation to us in spite of all our faults and failings.

Equally there will be people that want to harm us and put us down for whatever reason. In that context it is important not to conduct such relationships ‘in reaction’ to those who speak words of Defamation than Affirmation over us.

In 2 Corinthians 1 v 4 -7 it says that we can find ‘comfort’ in the context of our faith, which will then enable us to ‘comfort those who are in distress themselves.’ In being affirmed and comforted in all situations we can find a strength internally to share externally to all we meet.

So try and think through your own specific Love Language. (There will be an overlap)

Affirmation,  Quality Time,  Receiving Gifts,  Acts of Service,  Physical Touch.

Seek to understand the Love Language of the person you are communicating with.

Then you will be surprised what difference it makes in enhancing your relationships and changing many life situations and consequences!

Oh by the way I forgot to mention that the opening song had another verse to it.

             ‘You can be happy and I can be happy and that’s the way it should be!’Whatever life situations you find yourself in, be assured that as we are Affirmed and feel Significant then our levels of Happiness will increase for today and tomorrow.

Graham

For further reading hit the links below for the second edition of my book Blog 51 (October 2020) in black and white or colour